Here’s a tip for women:
If you are ever planning, or hoping to EVER sleep with someone on a particular night, or indeed ever in the future, do not, I repeat DO NOT, wear a matching bra and underwear. No matter how seductive or “put together” it makes you feel, just don’t do it. Don’t even go out and buy nice, sexy lingerie. I guarantee that the second you do, it’s a sure fire way to jinx things. If you’re wearing a black lace thong with a super lacy black push-up bra, don’t count on having sex. The gods will plan against you. If you’re wearing dirty granny pants with bunny rabbits on them and a nude bra with the underwire poking out the side, you’re probably going to get laid.
On a separate note, I’m hungry. Famished, in fact. Actually, scratch that. I really feel that words such as “famished” and “starving” should only be used by people who are seriously without food, rather than someone who is just depriving themselves because they’re Citizens jeans are too tight on them. I’m immediately ashamed of myself.
So, yeah – I’m hungry. I ate nothing but half a bowl of soup yesterday. It wasn’t intentional. Honest. Just because I couldn’t fit into any decent clothes yesterday does NOT mean I’m starving myself. I love food too much. It’s just since my crazy roommate moved out (and added insult to injury by stealing my flipping plates), I have no cutlery or kitchenware with which to cook. Thus, I haven’t been grocery shopping in over a week. Really, I should have been to Target now to pick up some of this crap. But I haven’t. Something treacherous inside of me is testing how long one can really go without a knife and fork. Or a toaster. Or a microwave. I mean, I’ve got a computer, a TV and a bed. All is good, right?
No groceries, no food, therefore nothing to snack on. That’s the plan. That’s my “get-thin” plan of February. We’ll see how long it takes before I start gnawing at the skirting board in the kitchen. I give it until the end of the week.
2 Comments
February 1, 2009 at 3:07 am
good to know about the matching bra/panty thing. i will note not to try to get into a girl’s pants if she is coordinated.
when i was younger my entire flatware/stemware/silverware collection was furnished by denny’s.
believe that.
February 4, 2009 at 10:17 am
It’s true – matching undies never lead to anything exciting.
It’s funny because Alle and I hit an IHOP recently at an ungodly hour and I seriously contemplated taking some of the cutlery. It’s funny because it’s true.
I really need to start furnishing this place and start living like a normal person.