Cynicism is an unpleasant way of saying the truth.
Lillian Hellman
I’m perpetually tired these days. I can’t seem to sleep properly. I’m working a lot because my funds are so low that it almost seems sinful to say no to a shift. The bumper on my car needs fixing and I haven’t had time to take it into the shop so there’s a permanent fear that I may suddenly blow-up mid-drive one day. My brothers are down and out. Last night, I ripped two out of three of the only new articles of clothing I have bought in the past year. And, to top it off, I’m pretty sure that I’ve finally pushed the only guy I have liked in a long time far, far away. Final nail in the coffin.
Phew. There – self-pity part of post over. Promise. On the upside, I had a very fun-filled week with my old friend who came to visit from London. I finally got to venture out of the city a bit – saw Salem and Marblehead, which were lovely. Being around him was nice because it was familiar. It felt homey. But then he asked me if I missed England. And I have to say the answer is an honest NO. I miss the people, but not the place. That’s what makes everything the way it is, right? The people. This past week Jonny and I could have been anywhere from Birmingham to Bangkok and we still would have had the same riot of a time.
It really made me realize, that I will probably never be happy settling in one place for too long. I just don’t think I could do it. The fact that I’ve met a lot of VERY cool people in my lifetime in a variety of places, makes me just want to carry on and meet loads more people.
This post is also shit and pointless. Pointless for anyone to read – it’s just an excuse for me to bleed onto a web page because I feel bad that I haven’t written anything on this for so long.
I’m debating whether I should learn to play the cello or the guitar. The cello would just be so f-ing cool to play, right? But the guitar would be easier to move around and is probably slightly easier to learn how to play. What the hell do I know – I’ve only played piano.
I really need to get back into something that will distract my mind away from itself. Does that even make sense? It’s probably not good for my mind grapes to keep watching re-runs of 30 Rock.
Some guy came into the bar last night and gave me his number and offered to take me out to dinner. It made me sick. It made me doubly sick that another creepy guy who keeps coming in to chat about “finance” and “wine” said I had an amazing smile. I don’t like compliments on my general appearance/personality 1)when I’m tired, 2)when I’m working and 3)when it comes from people who list suitcases and chalk as their interests.
I’m bored with guys. I really am. I feel like I’ve had my quota of crushes for 2009. Now I guess I’ll focus on the more important stuff – as soon as I figure out what it is I’ll let you know.
